


Wings

by goldenthunderstorms (PotatosaurusOfBroadway)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, baz is sweet and good to his boy, simon is sad and self-conscious, theyre just really cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 10:13:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatosaurusOfBroadway/pseuds/goldenthunderstorms
Summary: Simon is frustrated about his wings and all the memories they bring. Baz comforts him.





	Wings

**Author's Note:**

> HI I just finished Carry On yesterday and this idea has been with me all day and its short but cute e n j o y

**Simon**

Baz turned in my arms, pressing his back to my chest. Baz never slept easy. He was a deep sleeper, but he never slept still. It used to annoy me at Watford but now I was just happy when he was in my arms. We didn’t get to spend nights together like this when he did stay the night, usually because Penny was here. But tonight it was just me and Baz and it was just kissing and holding each other until Baz fell asleep with me. Cuddling was hard at first with my wings and all until Baz said he liked having my wing wrapped around us.

Right now, it just felt like my wings were in the way. I had woken up from a nightmare, though not a bad one tonight. However, it still made me feel hot, restless, and my wings felt tense and uncomfortable. I skillfully detangled myself from Baz. He stirred for a moment until I kissed his forehead, rubbing his side until he stilled again. I slid out of my bed and into the bathroom, flicking on the light and stretching my wings out. I frowned at the sight. Sometimes my wings felt like a cool superpower, but sometimes I just wanted them to go away. It was hard to look at them without remembering where they came from, why they’re here now. I wrap my arms around myself, heat radiating from my skin in what was left of my panic.

I stretched my wings, turning them this way and that, trying to see the good in them. Not tonight. Tonight I could only see the monster in them and in me. I saw the Humdrum, The Mage and Ebb, dead. I bit my lip harshly, not sure if I wanted to scream or cry. My tail lashed, only enhancing my frustration. I just felt like a monster, or some sad in-between, a Normal with magic stuck to him.

There was a soft knock at the door before it was pushed open. I hadn’t closed it all the way. Baz squinted at me. “What the bloody hell are you doing awake, Snow?” He muttered.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I said quietly, still staring at my wings in the mirror.

Baz came up behind me, slipping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, him between my shoulder blades so my wings weren’t in the way. “I woke up when you left. You’re a human furnace, Snow, and the undead freeze without you.” He said, emphasizing his point as he pressed his face into the crook of my neck.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that, now would we?” I replied, my voice too strained for my liking. My tail lashed again and smacked Baz on his thigh. “Sorry,” I said quickly, trying to get back in control.

Baz looked up and met my eyes in the mirror. “What’s wrong?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Why would anything be wrong?”

“Your tail, besides, I know when you’re upset, Simon.” Baz pressed his forehead to my temple, still holding my gaze. I knew he was being serious with me now, using my first name.

“Just had a bad dream.” I sighed, “Now I’m just thinking.”

Baz rubbed circles in my sides. “What about?”

I didn’t answer, my tail lashing again and sinking my teeth into my lip.

“Use your words, Simon.” Baz whispered. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to punch or kiss him in that moment.

“My wings. I just—They remind me of bad things right now. So many bad memories and I just  _ hate them,  _ Baz. It’s such a cruel joke too. All my magic, all that I was good for, is just gone. But I’m stuck with  _ these _ .” I spread them for emphasis. “I hate them.” I said again.

Baz was quiet for a moment. “Well, I know there isn’t anything I can say to change them. Your wings are what they are and I know I can’t convince you that they mean anything different than you think they do but you should know—” Baz paused. He pressed his mouth against my neck and I was confused for a moment before he looked back up, mouth open with fangs displayed. “I hated these once too.”

“You did?” I asked. I knew Baz was self-conscious about his fangs, his whole vampire-ness in general. But I thought it was just because of what people would do if it was a clear fact.

“Mhm,” Baz nodded, displaying his fangs again. I remember the first time I asked him to show me his fangs, his reluctance. I couldn’t help noting how far we’d come. “I hated them for so long. Same reason you hate your wings. They made me feel terrible, like a monster; a disgrace to everyone who mattered to me. My family refused to talk about it and I knew my mother would not have even let me live. Believe me, love, I wanted them  _ gone _ .” Baz ran a hand down my side, my thigh, trailing his fingers over my tail. “But with time, I came to accept that they were part of me. No, not a part I enjoyed, but they were part of me. Just like any other thing about me that I couldn’t control. It took a lot of time but now this is just who I am. You can learn to be happy with it, even if not because of it.”

I was silent for a moment. “And-and if I can’t?”

“Well,” Baz sighed, “then maybe you can talk to Dr. Wellbelove about getting it all removed. I don’t have such an option, but if you do you should do it, if that pleases you.” He rubbed circles into my hip again and I couldn’t deny that I felt a little better after this conversation.

“Okay,” I whispered, leaning back into Baz.

“If it means anything though,” Baz took my tail in his hand, winding it in his hand like he did at his leavers ball. “I’m quite fond of your wings—and your cartoon devil tail.” He chuckled.

“But you wouldn’t be upset if I got rid of them?” I asked.

Baz shook his head. “No, no, I wouldn’t be upset. As fond as I am of your wings and your tail . . .” He kissed a mole on my shoulder, next to my wing. “I am much more fond of a happy Snow.”

I smiled and he did as well, meeting my eyes again. “I think you might be going soft, Basilton.” I teased.

Baz laughed, pressing his face into my neck again. “Only for you, Simon Snow, only for you.”


End file.
